


Five Times Jared Wishes He Lived Alone

by dandyline_wine



Series: Rascal Flatts Five Times [3]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-13
Updated: 2009-04-13
Packaged: 2020-11-01 14:16:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20816537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dandyline_wine/pseuds/dandyline_wine
Summary: They move in. Angst. The end.





	Five Times Jared Wishes He Lived Alone

**1\. Backwards** _ (or it sounds a little crazy a little scattered and absurd)_

They decide to move in to Jared’s house in the end. Jared thinks it’s a lot more practical than Jensen’s apartment for obvious reasons. Jensen thinks they should find a new place and start from scratch but Jared vetoes that idea.

“That’s stupid,” he replies.

Jensen just shrugs. “Okay.”

Jared sometimes forgets that Jensen’s pretty smart and probably knows a little about these things.

He figures that they’ve spent so much time at each other’s place already that making it official can’t really be all that different. It only takes Jared about two weeks to realize there’s a difference between practically spending every minute together and Living Together.

It’s Sunday and Jared’s super pumped about his strawberry Pop Tart. When it pops and makes the little ding noise, it’s Pavlovian. It takes him a few seconds to realize it’s practically charred and he wrinkles his nose at the smell. “Dude. What the hell?”

He glances over to the kitchen table and sees Jensen reading the paper, holding his bagel up to his mouth but probably forgetting it’s there. Jensen doesn’t look up, apparently too engrossed in something that’s probably not the comics.

“Jensen. I think my toaster’s broken.”

Jensen looks up. “Yeah?” He looks at his blackened bagel. “It worked okay for me.”

Jared raises his eyebrows. “Okay? That thing’s like, firewood, man.”

Jensen frowns. “No. It’s toasted.”

Jared turns to check out the toaster and sees the dial is turned all the way to 10. He blinks and thinks that he’s never turned it past 3 since his mom gave it to him two years ago. “Oh,” he says. He quietly throws his Pop Tart away and puts two more in, turning it back down to 3 before pushing the lever.

When he joins Jensen at the table and sees the comics and the sports section put aside for him, he forgets the whole thing.

On Monday, they come home from the set and Jared’s cranky and irritable and fucking hungry because hello, craft services gets old after four years. He’s barely in the house for three minutes before he’s thinking of the chicken nuggets in his freezer and he makes a beeline for the kitchen. When he opens the freezer door, two boxes of veggie burgers fall out and he struggles to catch them. “The hell?”

Jensen follows him in and Jared asks, “Why the hell are there eighty boxes of Morningstar burgers in my freezer, Jensen?”

Jensen cocks his head and answers, “I was reading this article in USA Today. They were talking about how vegetarians don’t have as many heart attacks and have fewer overall health problems. I can actually find it for you, if you want to read it. The whole thing was really informative.”

Jared takes a deep breath. “No. I don’t want to read it. I want chicken nuggets.” He shakes a box of veggie chicken patties at Jensen and continues, “And I want it to be real fucking chicken, Jen. Not something spelled Chik’n.”

Jensen shrugs and walks upstairs.

Tuesday night, Jared walks into the living room to see Jensen moving the couch. “What’s going on?” Jared asks.

“With the window on that wall, I think it’s better over here. It works better with the natural light,” Jensen answers. He’s quiet and Jared doesn’t know if he’s talking to himself or not.

“Don’t you think we should, like, discuss moving my couch before we move it?” Jared doesn’t care, not really, it’s more the principle of it. Before everything’s completely re-arranged, everything should be discussed.

“It’s not like I’m completely re-arranging things, Jared,” Jensen explains, like he has Jared’s thought processes memorized. Jared wonders if that’s scientifically possible to do.

Jared just scratches his head and walks out. He’s frustrated but he’s not sure why. Or, he is. He just doesn’t want to be.

On Wednesday morning, Jared almost spits out his coffee, kind of like they do in the movies only not funny. “What the hell is this?” He grabs his hazelnut creamer and pours some of it in his mouth to help with the after taste and wow. That’s disgusting. Apparently, creamer is one of those things you should only have in small doses.

And that’s not a metaphor for anything, Jared thinks quickly. Only it kind of is.

Jensen comes in, travel mug in hand. “Ready to go?”

Jared shakes his head. “Dude, what the hell? What kind of coffee is that?”

“Uh. The kind that was in the cupboard?”

“No way. That shit’s nasty.” He points to the semi-solid mess in the coffee pot.

“I just made it stronger, I guess,” Jensen says. “I like my coffee strong. The same way I’ve liked it for four years.”

Jared shakes his head again and turns away to grab the travel mug Jensen left on the counter for him. He pours about a gallon of creamer in first and mutters, “This stuff is probably eating a hole through my coffee pot.”

Jensen stands there for a few seconds, silent, and then heads for the front door.

On Thursday, they’re in bed making out pretty hardcore when Jared realizes the sheets are all stiff and crinkly and they kind of smell like fabric softener. He breaks away and Jensen moves to follow Jared’s mouth. “These aren’t my sheets,” Jared says abruptly.

Jensen sort of freezes. “Uh. What?”

“What are these?” he asks, grabbing the stiff, crinkly, smelly sheets in his fist.

Jensen looks a little dazed. “I bought them. The other ones are in the washer. I didn’t. I guess I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

“Oh,” Jared says. “It’s not. I just. Sorry.” He rolls back towards Jensen, all focused again but Jensen’s all awkward now and starts to stand up.

“I’m gonna. I’m gonna go do something. Uh. Something downstairs.” Jared stares at Jensen’s back as he leaves but doesn’t follow. He knows Jensen enough not to follow.

Friday. Well, Friday kind of sucks. They don’t really talk. Jensen’s quiet and Jared just lets him be quiet.

On Saturday, they’re sprawled out on the newly-relocated couch watching Aqua Teen DVDs. Jared notices the fichus thing his mom bought for him last time she visited and he’s pleasantly surprised that it’s still alive. Jensen must have moved it. And like, watered it. And fed it. Unless, do you feed a fichus?

“Did you feed my fichus, Jen?” Jared’s smiling and keeps his voice soft because, well, he’s trying to be sweet.

Jensen doesn’t think he’s being sweet. He sits up and moves to the end of the couch. He closes his eyes and lets out a small sigh.

“Jen?”

“Our toaster, Jared.” And okay, Jared’s pretty used to the weird shit Jensen says sometimes but. Yeah.

Jared sits up and makes sure to give Jensen his space. “Uh. What?”

“Our toaster,” he repeats. “Our freezer. Our couch. Our coffee maker. Our sheets. Our fichus.”

“Oh.” Jared’s not sure what else to say.

Jensen opens his eyes and looks straight at Jared. “I get that some stuff will always be yours. I get that.” He looks down at his hands. “But can some stuff be ours?”

Jared just blinks, his voice stuck somewhere in throat feeling all jagged and rebellious. Ours, he thinks. Ours, he decides.

He can’t think of what to say, and isn’t that just a foreign concept. He looks around the room and tries to find something to say. Anything. The room is bright and usually he has to squint against the sun because the couch kind of faces the window at a weird angle and. Huh.

“You were right about the couch,” Jared whispers and he might be talking to himself, he’s not sure.

Jensen doesn’t say anything.

“Yeah,” Jared continues. “I like our couch way better right here.”

Jensen still doesn’t say anything but Jared can feel him relax. He shifts closer to Jared and later, laughs at Meatwad rolling around on their TV.

Jared smiles but thinks, I hope Ours gets easier.

*

**2\. Me and My Gang ** _(or grab ahold of them reins)_

Chad comes to stay for a week and it’s almost girly how excited Jared is. Chad’s newly single and pretty un-Chad about the whole thing. Jared thinks the breakup wasn’t entirely Chad’s idea and he even seems a little mellow. Mellow for Chad is all relative, granted, but still.

They don’t talk about it. Chad doesn’t joke about it or call her names so Jared just kind of doesn’t acknowledge that it happened. The three of them go to a bar and Jared tries to be a good friend by buying a lot of beer for him. Like, a lot of beer.

Chad buys a million shots and Jared buys maybe a million more until they’re hunched over in a sticky booth in the corner, laughing so hard that they’re both crying. Jared remembers Jensen right then and looks around, wondering how long ago he lost him. He spots Jensen playing pool with some guy Jared doesn’t recognize. He doesn’t think he does, anyway. He squints but it doesn’t help.

Jensen drives them home a million hours later. He thinks he remembers Chad talking trash about Jensen on the way home and maybe Jensen calling Chad a jackass but it’s all a little fuzzy until Jared vomits on their kitchen floor. That? That he remembers.

Jensen walks him upstairs or maybe half carries him and then says something about going downstairs to wash Sadie’s head.

Jared really hopes he didn’t vomit on Sadie’s head. That would suck. It would really suck for Sadie, yeah. But if Jensen has to wash her head, that would really suck for Jensen.

He’s still awake and still verging on unconscious when Jensen comes back to bed and stuffs some Aspirin down Jared’s throat. Jared thinks he tries to say something to Jensen but he doesn’t know what words he gets out. Or if they’re even like, actual words. He sees a few extra pills in Jensen’s hand and hears him go into the guest room. There’s a lot of noise and some name-calling and maybe something hits a wall and Jared can only assume he’s shoving some pills down Chad’s throat, too, albeit probably with less concern.

Jared blacks out thinking of how fucking awesome his boyfriend is.

The next few days are pretty much same song, second verse save for Jensen being all MIA. Jared doesn’t pay too much attention to it because dude, it’s Chad. It’s not every day he gets to spend a week in an alcoholic haze with his best friend.

The morning after Alcoholic Binge Day Four, Jensen and Jared head to Jensen’s trailer in between scenes and he asks, “You up for some Madden, Jared?”

Jared wants to shake his head no but there’s no way he’s inflicting that kind of abuse on his brain. “No way, man. I need to lay down.”

Jensen doesn’t say anything for awhile. He lets Jared collapse on his couch and the next thing he knows, Jensen’s gently shaking him awake. “Sorry, Jay. They need us.” Jared slowly works himself into consciousness and as he stands, he hears his phone ring. It’s Chad and he’s already talking about alcohol. Jared thinks about vomiting again.

Instead, he laughs and listens to Chad talk as he walks back to the set, Jensen keeping pace a few feet behind him the whole way.

On Chad’s last night, Chad and Jensen sort of argue. It’s not really a big deal because that’s what they do. It’s always innocent and harmless, Jared assumes, until suddenly it’s just not.

Chad calls Jensen pretentious, which really isn’t fair, and Jensen calls Chad a brainless STD, which definitely isn’t fair. Jared tries to explain to Chad that yes, Jensen is sometimes too introverted and sometimes a little weird but no, he’s not conceited or condescending. And he tries to tell Jensen that yes, Chad has maybe made some poor decisions but no, he’s not stupid and no, he’s definitely not the diseased playboy that everyone acts like he is.

They’re all in the kitchen, standing perfectly still and crowding around the table. Chad opens his mouth and looks like he’s about to apologize; he even looks like he’d mean it. Jared lets out a sigh of relief and thinks, Thank God. Jensen shakes his head, though, and walks out of the kitchen.

“Dude, just. Just sit here. Or something,” he tells Chad and turns to follow Jensen upstairs.

He’s in their room, grabbing some clothes and shoving them into a bag. “The hell, Jen? Are you pouting?”

Jensen doesn’t stop and he doesn’t look up. “Whatever, Jared.”

“Well, what is this then?” He gestures to the bag and takes a few steps closer to Jensen.

“I’m just gonna. I don’t know. Not be here tonight.”

Jared rolls his eyes. “Oh, so that’s your solution? Bail?”

Jensen doesn’t answer. He grabs some boxers and several pairs of socks and tosses them in the bag. Jared thinks for one panicky moment, How the hell long are you going to be gone?

“Jensen.” He grabs his arm and tries to get Jensen to look at him. “Jen.” Jensen looks up and Christ, he looks annoyed. “What the hell, man? Why are you so pissy? Do you really hate Chad this much?”

“I don’t hate him.” He doesn’t try to take his arm out of Jared’s grip. He just stands there, waiting.

“Well, what’s all this?” Jared’s still fucking confused but then he thinks of his coffee creamer and wonders if maybe Jensen and Chad should only be around each other in small doses.

“It’s just. I don’t like putting up with his shit in my own house.” He’s still just staring at Jared and man, it’s all kinds of fucked up when your best friend and your boyfriend hate each other, Jared thinks.

“Okay,” Jared says. He thinks, This would be a lot easier if Jensen still had his own place.

Jensen gapes and Jared thinks that maybe he said that out loud.

“Shit. Did I say that out loud?” Jensen pulls out of Jared’s grasp and he takes that as a yes.

“Jensen. I.” But Jensen’s not listening. He grabs his bag. “Jen, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, like. It’s no big deal.”

Jensen looks at him and Jared can tell he’s thinking, Yeah, it is.

He heads for the bedroom door and he stops, his back to Jared. “I’ll be back tomorrow, Jay. This isn’t bailing.”

Jared believes him but it doesn’t stop it from sucking.

Their bed seems too big that night and he stares at the ceiling for three hours, trying to fall asleep. Jensen calls and Jared answers on the first ring. “Just wanted to say good night, Jared,” Jensen whispers.

“Night,” Jared whispers back. “I wish …”

“Yeah. Me, too.”

Jared falls asleep thinking of how awesome his boyfriend is.

*

**3\. Cool Thing** _ (or red wine buzz kicking in)_

Jensen flies home for the weekend to visit his grandmother. Jared gets very bored.

He calls from the airport and says, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Jared repeats. He’s sitting on the couch, channel surfing and eating some Frosted Mini Wheats.

“I just landed. The airport’s crazy, man.”

“Oh yeah?” Jared asks. He’s sitting straight up now and suddenly grateful that it’s finally Sunday.

“Yeah.” There’s some muffled noises and then Jared hears Jensen laughing. “Mike’s here. He’s gonna give me a ride home.”

“Oh.” Jared starts to feel a little restless and his leg starts bouncing rapidly. “I could have picked you up.”

But Jensen’s not really listening. Jared can hear some more laughter and then Jensen tells him, “Hey, I’ll be home soon, okay?”

“Okay.” Jared closes his phone and still feels restless. He stands up and starts to tidy the house up. It’s not really messy and Jensen won’t really care but Jared decides he needs to give his hands something to do.

He puts the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and as he puts the last of the silverware in the little basket thing, he decides to make a romantic dinner for two. He rummages through the cupboards until he remembers that he can’t really cook. Like, at all.

Instead, he finds a menu for the Chinese place that Jensen likes over by his old apartment. Jared orders practically one of everything on the menu and about a million egg rolls. He doesn’t even say “No water chestnuts” like he usually does because Jensen loves them, even though water chestnuts are pretty much the bane of Jared’s existence.

He runs down to the corner store to buy a case of beer and when he comes back and surveys the kitchen, he feels pretty proud of himself. There isn’t any clean plates so he has to use paper ones; he puts the little wicker paper-plate-coaster-things his mom bought underneath, though and Jared thinks it looks pretty classy. He puts a couple of beers on the table and folds some napkins to put under their plastic silverware.

Romance is easy when it’s your best friend, Jared thinks.

He grabs a beer and heads back to the couch to channel surf until Jensen comes home.

Only Jensen doesn’t come home. Not by the time Jared’s had his sixth beer, anyway. He grabs the seventh from the fridge and stares at the cold Chinese food, still sitting in their little white containers. He’s hungry but he thinks eating without Jensen would kind of kill the romance. Not showing up at all pretty much kills it, too, he thinks. But Jared’s not bitter or anything.

He checks his phone for the millionth time and it kind of glares back at him. He thinks for a minute and then decides to call Jensen because seriously? What the hell, Jensen?

It goes straight to voicemail. It beeps and Jared sits there, debating on whether or not to leave a message. He’s silent and then realizes Jensen’s going to get a voicemail message of Jared breathing all heavy and creepy-like. He finally says, “Hey, Jared. It’s Jensen. Er, you’re Jensen. Hey, it’s me.” He pauses and takes a breath. “Do over. Hey, Jen. It’s me. Just wondering where the hell you are.” He’s silent again and then closes his phone.

Sadie comes over and Jared rubs behind her ears. He wonders if girl dogs have women’s intuition.

“That was probably the worst voicemail in the history of beer,” he tells her. She rests her head on Jared’s knees and he sighs. “I suck.” She looks up at him and he shakes his head. “No. Jensen sucks.”

He grabs another beer and sprawls out on the couch. He leaves the Chinese untouched, his stomach protesting. “I’m making a statement,” he tells it.

Jared’s watching some show about chicken breeding when he hears Jensen shut the front door but he doesn’t turn to look at him. Maybe he couldn’t even he want to. Which he doesn’t. Want to.

“Hey, Jay,” Jensen says. He drops his luggage next to the couch and Jared looks up at him.

“Hey.”

Jensen suddenly looks a little wary. “Everything okay?” he asks. Then he looks down at the coffee table where Jared assumes there are like, a million empty Coors bottles. “What’s all this, Jared?”

Jared shrugs. “Beer.”

Jensen nods slightly. “Well, it used to be.” Then he glances at the TV where two of the chickens are like, doing it or something. Jared wonders if they’re lesbians because don’t they need a rooster for that type of thing?

Jensen’s still watching, looking equal parts confused and well, no. Just confused. “And what’s this, Jared?”

Jared shrugs again. “Chickens.”

“Okay,” Jensen says slowly. “And you’re watching chickens why again?”

“Because there’s nothing on at this time of night, Jensen! Or this early in the morning, however you want to look at it! It’s infomercials and chickens, dammit.” Jared jumps up and oh God, that was not a good idea.

Jensen’s eyes get all wide. “Jared.” He tries to steady Jared’s frame. “Jared, it’s like, not even eight o’clock.”

Jared isn’t listening, though. “Fucking chickens, Jen. On the fucking like, farmer’s channel. And why is there even a fucking farmer’s channel anyway? Are they watching this channel? Are they really? Shouldn’t they be like, farming?”

Jensen’s eyes are still a little wide and he opens his mouth but then closes it again.

Jared takes a few steps closer and wow, walking is hard. “Are you a fucking farmer, Jen?”

“I. Uh. A what?”

“A farmer. Do farmer’s have cell phones?”

Jensen’s eyes actually get widerer, Jared thinks. He thinks widerer is a word but he can’t remember.

Jensen swallows and says, “I think this is supposed to be going somewhere but I’m not exactly sure where.”

“Well, I’m forced to assume you are a farmer without a cell phone. Because someone that wasn’t a farmer would have called me, Jensen.”

“Okay,” Jensen says all slow. “Still not quite sure where this is going.”

Jared reaches out to shove him, not hard but hard enough to lose balance. Jensen grabs Jared’s elbows to steady him but Jared shakes him off.

“How many beers did you have, Jared?” he asks.

“Like, a couple.” Jared turns and heads towards the kitchen. He can hear Jensen follow him. He’s aiming for the refrigerator because yeah, some more beer could be good. When he opens the door, he hears Jensen make some weird noise behind him.

“Jesus, Jared. That’s like half a case.”

Jared turns to face Jensen. “Six maybe. I had six beers.”

Jensen blinks. “Half a case of beer is not six, Jared.” Jared just rolls his eyes. He doesn’t have enough energy for mult. Multicate. Multication. Or whatever it’s called when you take something away from something else. What’s the word again?

Jensen reaches around Jared to push the refrigerator door closed and Jared says, “Subtraction.”

Jensen’s quiet for a second and then repeats, “Okay. Subtraction.”

Jared tilts his head. “That’s the word I was looking for.”

“Right. Okay. I like subtraction.”

Jared snorts. “That’s a weird thing to say, Jensen.”

“Okay, fine. I’m weird. Maybe it’s time for bed, man.”

“I’m not tired.” But he’s definitely annoyed. He thinks Jensen’s being all conda. Condastand. That thing when people look down on people and isn’t that just bullshit because Jared’s like, a million feet taller than Jensen.

“Fine. Not tired. Let’s head upstairs anyway.”

“No.” Jared kind of wonders why the room is all spinny because he’s not drunk or anything. And Christ, it’s hot as balls. “I’m hot,” he tells Jensen.

Jensen thinks for a minute and says, “Yes?”

Jared rolls his eyes again. “No, I mean I’m really fucking hot.”

“Yes,” Jensen agrees. He gives Jared a hesitant look. “I’m not really sure what else I’m supposed to say.”

“No, Jensen. I mean I’m actually hot. Is the heater on or something?”

Jensen shrugs. “I don’t know. I just got home, remember?”

“Yeah. I remember. Where the fuck were you, anyway?” Jared thinks that maybe he shouldn’t be standing because he keeps thinking, Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down. And he thinks he might be weebling. Wobbling, whatever. He sits down at the table.

“I’m sorry. We went to that bar by the airport. You know, the really skeevy one?”

“We?”

“Yeah. Mike and I. And some random guys Mike knows.”

Jared nods. “Awesome. I was cooking and you were out at a bar with the guys. I feel like some neglected housewife.”

“Yeah. That’s not even close to the same thing, Jared.”

“It kind of is.”

“No. Not even a little.”

“Whatever, man.” He gestures to the forgotten Chinese and the two abandoned beer bottles, still sitting there all lonely. “This was supposed to be like, a romantic dinner or something.”

He watches Jensen’s eyes roam over the table.

“I even folded the napkins,” Jared continues.

Jensen kneels in front of Jared. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

Jared shrugs and doesn’t look at him. “It’s. Whatever. It’s no big deal.”

“It is,” Jensen responds. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” His voice is still quiet.

“Okay,” Jared says.

“Come on. Let me get you into bed.” He stands and tries to pull Jared with him. Jared doesn’t help because fuck Jensen, that’s why.

Jensen gets Jared fully upright and suddenly, Jared’s irritable all over again.

“Sometimes, I wish you didn’t live here,” he blurts out.

Jensen freezes. He’s still all tangled up in Jared’s arms but he just kind of goes all still like a statue. Or like a gargoyle. And then Jared’s thinking about Quasimodo and then he wonders if Jensen and his Weird have rubbed off on him. Maybe Weird is contagious. Maybe it’s like an STD.

Jensen’s still silent and Jared tries to untie his arms from Jensen’s. Jensen doesn’t try to stop him, even though Jared still feels pretty weebley. Wobbly, whatever.

“You could have called, Jensen.”

Jensen’s looking at the floor. “My phone’s dead.”

“Oh.”

“Come on. Let’s get you to bed.” But he doesn’t move towards Jared. He just stands there, like he’s waiting for Jared to make the first move.

Maybe he is, Jared thinks.

“It’s just. When you didn’t live here, I didn’t worry about you,” Jared explains. He feels oddly sober, thirteen beers be damned. “I didn’t wonder where you were.”

Jensen meets his eyes. “I don’t think that’s a Living Together thing, Jay. I think that’s an Us thing.”

Jared just blinks at him.

“Things change, man,” Jensen continues. “We just change with them.”

Jared gives him a slight nod. “Okay. Don’t forget to change with me, then.”

Jensen smiles at him. “That almost sounds pervy.”

Jared lets out a small laugh. “Shut up. Take me to bed.”

Jensen raises his eyebrow. “Want me to carry you, you poor suffering housewife?”

“Yeah. I’d like to see you try.”

Jensen helps him walk up the stairs and Jesus Christ, there has to be a million of them, Jared thinks. Then he steers Jared through the hallways and seriously, are they at fucking Hogwarts or something? They get to the bedroom like, five hours later and he helps Jared climb into bed and holy hell, how tall is this bed?

Jensen doesn’t carry him to bed but Jared thinks it’s almost the same thing.

*

**4\. My Wish** _ (or if you’re faced with a choice and you have to choose)_

Jensen’s the more rational of the two. It’s not really all that debatable. And Jared’s okay with that. He doesn’t mind being occasionally irrational. The only time he minds is when Jensen minds which is almost never. Almost never but not quite never.

They’re at some CW publicity party and Jared’s having a pretty good time. The ratings are pretty good, Mike’s stoned and trying to talk to people about Charlie the Unicorn, and Chad’s got like, an unending supply of beer for Jared.

Jensen’s kind of in the corner being all quiet and Jensen-like. Every once and awhile, he catches Jared’s eyes and smiles, the kind where his eyes get all crinkly and bright. Jared beams back at him and yeah, it’s a good night.

Jared’s got a small buzz going on when he and Jensen sit down for an interview with some newbie reporter. She looks nice enough but, you know. Dumb. He’s sitting really close to Jensen during the interview and tries really hard not to touch him. He wants to put a hand on Jensen’s knee or wrap his foot around Jensen’s or grab his hand or something equally as girly. He remembers he’s still in public, though, and stays put.

But then he remembers he’s gotten away with much worse in public before.

He answers one of the reporters questions and pats Jensen’s knee. Then he just kind of, you know. Leaves his hand there.

Jensen doesn’t say anything but the girl giggles. “You guys really are best friends, huh?”

Jared can tell Jensen wants to say, No, Jared’s just deranged. Jensen’s pretty good at monitoring himself though, so he just smiles back at her. “Yeah. Something like that.”

She looks away to stare at Mike, who’s pretending he’s on fire or something. Tom is patiently following him around, trying to calm him down and it’s enough of a distraction for Jared to move his hand a little further up to Jensen’s thigh. Jared feels pretty proud of himself for being super stealthy. “I’m like a ninja,” he whispers to Jensen.

“No. You’re deranged,” Jensen whispers back. Jensen keeps his eyes on the reporter, who’s pretty oblivious to them and still watching the Smallville insanity. Jared thinks Mike might actually be on fire but, you know. Whatever.

“Maybe,” Jared agrees. "But still a ninja. A deranged ninja is better than no ninja at all.”

Jensen sighs quietly. “I cannot think of a conversation I would like to have less than this one.”

Jared thinks for a minute. “Feminine hygiene?”

Jensen closes his eyes. “I hate you.”

“Nah. You love me.”

Jensen smiles but the reporter turns her attention back to them before Jensen can agree. Jared hates her.

“So, you two are pretty close?” she asks all wispy and Jared still hates her. He wants to go home and have a lot of sex. And not with her.

Instead he’s stuck in this dumb interview with Jensen’s leg thisclose to his own and he can’t even do a damn thing about it. Jared’s probably got a few dozen more questions to answer because he knows Jensen won’t – Jensen always makes him do all of the talking. Jensen just sits there and gives an occasional smile and pretends to be Helen Keller.

She asks a few questions aimed towards Jensen though, and he can’t ignore her without being rude. “So it sounds like you guys spend a lot of time together.”

It’s not really a question and Jared knows those are the ones that always annoy Jensen. “Yeah, we do,” Jensen replies.

“You guys never get tired of each other?” she asks and Jared wants to say, Hey lady. We’ve answered this a million times. Go Google our answers or find some new fucking material.

But Jensen’s always polite. “No. Not yet.” He smiles at her.

She giggles again and Jared tries not to roll his eyes.

“And you really never fight?” She leans towards Jensen, elbows on her knees. Jared’s hand is still on Jensen’s thigh and he fights the urge to tighten his grip because hello, he’s totally not a possessive boyfriend.

Well, okay sometimes he almost is. But not really.

Jensen just laughs and answers, “No, we’re two pretty laid back guys.” Jared hears his subtext: Dude, relax.

“All of you CW guys seem like a pretty tight knit group,” she comments and again, it’s not really a question but Jared ignores the urge to point it out to her.

“Yeah, we are,” Jensen agrees. “We work hard and play hard.”

Jared sees Mike out of the corner of his eye and he’s drawing nipples on his shirt with a Sharpie. Some of us play harder than others, he thinks. “We work pretty long hours,” Jared adds. “We all have the same schedule so it’s pretty convenient.”

She nods. “Wow. You work together and then spend all of your free time together? You practically live together.”

Jensen laughs. “I could never live with this guy.”

Jared’s head whips around to face him and before he thinks it through, he asks, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jensen doesn’t answer him but instead leans towards the girl and stage whispers, “He’s the messiest person I’ve ever seen. You should see his trailer. I think there’s things growing in there. It’s practically a science experiment.” He smiles at her and continues, “Plus, his feet smell.”

She laughs and it’s the end of the interview. Jensen starts for the bar and Jared follows him, hissing, “What the hell was that?”

Jensen asks for two beers and looks at Jared, confused. “What was what?”

“Back there. ‘I couldn’t live with him because blah blah blah my name is Jensen and I suck.’ The hell, man?”

“Yes, Jared. That’s what I said. Verbatim.”

“Well, what the hell?”

Jensen offers him one of the beers and gives him a quizzical look. “Dude. What are you talking about?”

“You just totally lied to that girl.”

“I lied to her?”

Jared lets out an exasperated sigh. “Newsflash, Jen. We’re living together. And you totally lied to her.”

Jensen cocks his head. “Are you seriously upset about this?”

“I. No. I don’t know,” Jared answers. “I just think that sucked. You suck.”

Jensen blinks a few times. “Are you kidding me? You want me to tell some random girl I’m living with you?”

“I don’t know.” And he doesn’t.

“Newsflash, Jared,” he mimics. “I’m not fucking coming out to some teenybopper reporter.”

“I’m not asking you to!”

“Jesus, Jared. Keep it down.”

“Oh yeah.” Jared rolls his eyes. “Because half the room doesn’t know we’re screwing.”

“Then try not to broadcast it to the other half.”

“What the hell’s your problem, Jensen?”

“My problem? What’s your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem! I just don’t see why you have to flat-out lie to a reporter! That’s pretty fucking lame, man.”

“I can’t believe you’re serious about this.” Jensen shakes his head and he looks a little stunned.

“You know what, Jen? You’re being a dick.”

“Yeah? And you’re being irrational.”

“Oh yeah? Well how’s this? If you don’t want to live with me, then don’t. How’s that, Jensen? Irrational enough for you?”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Yes. It’s plenty irrational, you psycho.” He sighs and his voice is soft. “Who says I don’t want to live with you?”

Jared’s mouth drops open. “You! Like, three minutes ago!”

“I never said that, Jared.”

Jared thinks for a moment. “Well, okay. Not exactly. But you inferred it.”

“To a reporter, man. You can’t seriously be worked up about this.”

Jared pauses. “I don’t know. I guess not.”

Jensen leans towards him, their eyes locked and suddenly, all Jared can think about is sex. With Jensen. “You actually want me to tell reporters I’m living in sin with my co-star?” Jensen asks.

Jared gives him a small smile. “No.” Jared leans in a little closer. “But you don’t have to make it sound like a fate worse than death, either.”

“Fine. And maybe you could stop being a psycho.”

“Deal.”

He wants to kiss Jensen but thinks that might not be as explainable as the constant red-carpet dry-humping. And really, the dry-humping shouldn’t be explainable either but whatever.

Thankfully, Mike comes over to interrupt them with his Sharpie nipples and a scorched right eyebrow. “You guys up for a titty bar?”

“I think we’re good, man,” Jensen says and Jared can tell he really wants to ask, Where did your eyebrow go, Mike? Or maybe, What happened to your dignity?

But he knows Jensen doesn’t want to engage Mike in any type of conversation. Jensen’s trying to be stealthy and Jared thinks it pretty awesome.

They sneak out of the party like deranged ninjas.

*

**5\. He Ain’t the Leaving Kind ** _(or he’d never walk away)_

Jared’s not really sure where this jealous thing came from. To the best of his knowledge, he’s never really been a jealous guy before. He thinks maybe he was jealous when his brother got his very own Nintendo for Christmas when Jared was like, eight. And he sort of remembers being jealous when he didn’t get to ride the Big Kid rides at the county fair. Aside from that, though? Nothing comes to mind. He’s always been a pretty trusting kind of guy.

So this thing with Jensen, he doesn’t quite get it. He’s not insecure or anything because he knows where he stands. They’re pretty stable on that front. Jared knows that.

He knows that but when Jensen starts acting all shifty eyed and secretive, it doesn’t stop Jared from freaking out a little. At first it’s just random phone calls here and there. They’re on set, sitting in their little matching chairs when Jensen gets a phone call and says, “Hey. I’ll be right back. I gotta take this.”

Jared shrugs.

But then it happens a few more times and Jared starts overthinking.

Then one Saturday, Jensen’s up at the buttcrack of dawn and says something about running some errands. Jared’s not even fully awake when Jensen gives him a quick kiss goodbye and says, “I’ll be back later.”

Jared blinks a few times. “Uh. Okay,” he replies. But Jensen’s already gone.

And then. And then. The weirdest thing Jared has ever heard happens. He comes home from his early morning run and on his way into the kitchen, he hears Jensen say, “Okay. Talk to you later, Chad.”

He thinks, What the hell? What the hell.

Jensen’s sitting at the kitchen table and Jared just stares at the back of his head. He doesn’t even know what to say so he doesn’t say anything at all.

It just kind of goes downhill from there.

Jensen tells Jared he’s going to meet Mike for some drinks. When he comes back, he smells funny. Not like booze or smoke or any other conceivable bar smell, just funny. It’s not perfume, Jared thinks. He’s relieved but not.

Jared starts thinking of doing some weird shit like hire a PI to trail him or tattoo Jared’s name across Jensen’s head while he sleeps but then he remembers he promised to stop being a psycho so. Yeah.

But it’s not until Jensen suggests that Jared visit San Antonio for a weekend that Jared’s internal freakout reaches unheard of levels.

“Do what?” he asks.

“San Antonio,” Jensen answers.

“Right. Any particular reason?”

Jensen shrugs and pretends to work on his crossword puzzle. “No. You could just use a break.”

Jared wonders who this break is really for. He wonders what the hell Jensen’s going to do for a weekend alone.

Jensen drops him off at the airport. Jared gets out of the car and decides not to say anything. Jensen’s a big boy and Jared’s not his keeper. He’s just not going to say anything.

But then, you know. He does. He sticks his head in the passenger window and says, “Whatever you’re going to do, don’t do it in our fucking bed.”

Jensen’s confused and Jared almost feels bad but he walks away before Jensen can come up with some lameass excuse.

He spends his weekend pretty much just thinking. And eating. He eats a lot and then he thinks. And sometimes he thinks while he eats. His mom asks what the hell is wrong but in a nice mother way and he doesn’t know how to answer. So he doesn’t.

On the plane ride back, Jared’s still thinking. If this whole thing is done, if they’re done, then he’ll be damned if he’s the one getting dumped. Because, well. Just because.

Then he thinks, if this whole thing is done, if they’re done, then that really sucks.

Jensen picks him up and he’s practically beaming. Jared wants to punch him and kiss him and the whole thing just fucking sucks. “Hey,” Jensen says.

“Hey,” Jared repeats and dammit, his voice is quiet.

“Did you have a nice weekend?”

“I guess.” He thinks, Did you?

As soon as they get inside the house, Jared sort of loses it. “So what the hell, Jensen? What’s going on with you?”

Jensen looks taken aback. “What?”

“Don’t be like that. Be honest with me, man.”

“About?” Jensen looks genuinely confused but Jared’s on a roll and he almost doesn’t care.

“I just. Maybe this isn’t working out?” It wasn’t supposed to be a question, Jared thinks.

Jensen just sighs. “Jared …”

“Maybe the living together thing wasn’t the best idea?” That wasn’t supposed to be a question, either.

“Okay, how about you stop throwing that around? You keep coming back to that like it’s always an option.”

Jared doesn’t say anything.

“Because it really shouldn’t be, Jared. Commit or don’t commit and then be done with it.” He sighs. “I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want to be anywhere else. But sometimes. Sometimes, I feel like I’m still waiting for you to decide.”

“Me? I’m deciding?” Jared looks offended. “That’s the dumbest thing ever.”

“It’s really not.” Jensen takes a few steps towards him. “Come on. I wanna show you something.”

Jared still looks frustrated but he follows him anyway. Jensen leads him into the guest room and says, “What do you think?”

Jared takes a look around and holy hell. “You did this?” he asks.

Jensen smiles. “Yeah.”

The guest room looks … like a guest room. It looks amazing.

“I had it painted. Chad and I picked the color scheme out.” He pauses. “That sounded a lot less gay in my head.”

“Chad?” Jared asks.

“Yeah. And I put a mini fridge over there for him. It even has some tequila in it for the next time he stays.”

Jared just blinks.

“Mike went furniture shopping with me.” He pauses again. “Okay, see, that didn’t sound any less gay in my head.”

Jared’s still quiet and then, “I don’t get it.”

“What don’t you get?” Jensen asks.

“I just. Why?”

Jensen shrugs. “I don’t know. We needed to start somewhere, right? If it’s going to be our house, we have to start somewhere.”

Jared blinks some more and thinks he’s probably starting to look pretty creepy.

“And I wanted this room to be like, a surprise or something. Like, surprise! Your boyfriend and your best friend are totally cool with each other.”

Jared smiles. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Well, mostly cool.”

“I can’t believe you pimped out a room for Chad.”

Jensen shakes his head and says, “I kind of can’t believe it either.” He gives Jared a small smile and clarifies, “But I didn’t do it for Chad.”

Jared swallows and thinks, This is it. This is my life. This is my life and this is our house and that is my boyfriend and Jesus. I love my life, he thinks.

Jensen lets out a small laugh.

Jared says, “Shit. Did I say that out loud?”

“This is it,” Jensen agrees and Jared takes that as a yes.

**Author's Note:**

> Headers stolen from Rascal Flatts.


End file.
